I was full of melancholy at the show tonight. Maybe because French Toast cancelled and I was wanting to taste a bit of DC punk rock cred. Maybe because Le Ton Mite decided to do a puppet show instead of sing French children's songs, and I was really looking forward to French children's songs. Maybe because Calvin is so lovely, but he sings about graveyards and I sadly imagine the day he's no longer with us. Maybe because Tender Forever is the woman I am in my dreams, but definitely not in real life.

Aemulatio, I couldn't find a definition online but I first encountered it in the book
How Rembrandt Reveals Your Beautiful Imperfect Self. It's an Italian word, for the concept of "acknowledged emulation of greatness". Like my friend S who is plotting a blog entirely constructed of Morrissey lyrics. Or how I feel cursed by Lois Maffeo, who I once overheard tell two friends "well, if you don't know what you want to do after Evergreen you can always volunteer at the (Capitol) Theater and stuff singles at K until you figure it out." I'm still there, except I never got so lucky as to stuff singles at K, but shelving books at the library will suffice for the mindless minimum wage job. When I was 17 I had time, she didn't pick up a guitar til 23, but the birthdays came and went and now I'm staring down 27 knowing I can't die a rock star because I never even tried to become one. But whose greatness do I acknowledge? I got some kind of post-modern messsage out of punk rock that I had to be original, that I had to just be me, but who is that?

(another backpost to see how embarassed I am at writing this stuff down...Tullycraft asks "Who's gonna document these days?" so I step up to the challenge...I suppose you can Google all the people I'm too lazy to build links for...)

Saturday- Rode up to Seattle with my ex J and my un boyfriend S for the Twee Popfest. Did some drunken dialing to all three members of Manchester by the Sea including a birthday telegram from Math and Physics Club to William. I think he asked them to play the New England Popfest next year. Drank High Life with S in my car while he tried to enlighten me on the Christian rock connections of the Paradox. I was never into those Tooth and Nail bands, and I made fun of S for his MXPX jackets before we knew each other, but their influence on S comes up often as we spend a lot of time (re)defining ourselves as Christians while listening to "maybe I'm gay" pop (his Tullycraft button made me forget the old MXPX jackets, the way he speaks in Smiths lyrics won me over).

My paradox was that I did not feel bad drinking behind an all ages venue because I have never had the chance to get drunk at a Seattle Tullycraft show. I was kinda drunk, but not drunk enough to acknowledge it was a sloppy show. I was a bit relieved, I'd seen them play "tight" shows for the past year (maybe it has something to do with Cori?) and I missed Sean mocking his bandmates and Chris breaking strings every song (okay, so he broke one string on the last chord of the last song). Apparently the Athens show this year was sloppy, but the audience was too drunk and enthusiastic to notice.

But it is time to retire Pop Songs Yr New Boyfriend's Too Stupid To Know About. Most of the bands in the song have broken up and restructuring it so the one person in the audience who knows the words can't sing along is just cruel. Even if I did tape it off the radio in high school and remember my Weezer loving friend John just creaming his courdoroys and saying something along the lines of "that's the kind of music I want to play! Who is that? That song is awesome!" (I thought the rocker boys in high school didn't like me, but now I know they were just stoned all the time)

Sunday-ran into Rose Melberg downtown. She's finished recording a new album that should come out in March on Double Agent Records